What the fuck happened? I turn around for ten minutes and an entire month disappears. I feel like I only just got through the mid-semester break and now the semester’s almost over. It’s June tomorrow. Halfway through the year, almost. And I haven’t accomplished any of my goals! “Submit to 4 magazines a month”? What was I thinking back in January?! I’ve had shit on my to-do lists for weeks now that I’m constantly forgetting about. I mean, there’s only so many planners a girl can carry around with her, OK?
But enough about my ongoing time’s-running-out anxiety. Let’s talk about May.
The weather this month. We’ve had some cold days and colder nights, which is a nice change from the last few years, when May has been distressingly warm. A little frost on the grass a few mornings this month did my soul good. Winter gives me life.
Henry: Virtuous Prince by David Starkey. I love history books. I started it years ago – yes, literally! it’s been in my “to read” this for that damn long – and put it down at one point and never picked it up again. The other night I was looking for something to read in bed without having to go to the study-cum-library to find where I’d left Monte Cristo the last time I was reading it, and Henry was still in my bedside cabinet.
See this is my problem. I’ll be reading something in a particular place, and I’ll put the book down, and then next time I want to read something I’ll have forgotten it’s there or won’t be able to find it so I pick up something else instead. This is why I am currently reading three books and never get anything done.
Australian Masterchef. Competition shows aren’t really my thing as a rule, but I managed to get into Masterchef a couple of years ago after seeing some spectacular desserts and getting attached to a few of the competitors. I like the Australian one because they’re all so supportive of one another. There’s no backstabbing or sniping about one another. They’re all a friendly bunch who get along and cheer for one another and appear to be really excited when their friends succeed.
Notebooks. I mean I think about notebooks fairly often anyway but I am daydreaming about notebooks and planners all the damn time recently. “Oooh yes I want that and one of those and LOOK how many new colours of that one and the Leuchtturm1917 anniversary editions and some new inserts from Traveler’s Company and I kind of want a brown one and and and….” My various online wishlists are all overflowing. And I only just paid off my credit card!
So much!! Well, that’s exaggerating – but I have a few stories sitting in my notebook at the moment and I’m very happy with how things are going. Two of them could actually go somewhere! One of them is like… this really solid core, but it needs a lot of work. I know the story I’m telling, but I’m not sure what I have right now is the right way to tell it.
Holidays! Gods I am so tired. I am going to sleep for two straight weeks. I am going to play video games every free moment I have. It’s gonna be so sweet.
That life were easier. Anyone else just feel like falling into fiction and daydreaming 24/7? Life’s exhausting. All these worries nibble at you from the edges. Where will we be in 10 years? Should I start worrying about dying alone or will civilisation have collapsed by then? How do people survive adulthood, exactly? It’s a miracle more people aren’t drunk.
Making me happy
Running. I’ve just started Couch to 10k from Week 9 and this week I was meant to do all Week 10 runs but then I took today off because I’m so goddamn exhausted so I don’t know…. maybe I’ll just run 5k on Friday and see what next week brings. When you’re running it’s like this is the thing you have to worry about and concentrate on, and everything else fades away until you’re done. You think about your body and the road and your speed and your breathing and whether or not your legs are going to fall off before you make your goal. You don’t worry about deadlines and family and the inevitable heat-death of the universe.
You just run.