OK, first off, what the fuck, WordPress? This Gutenberg thing is a monstrosity.
Anyway. I went to look at my past content to see if this obscenity had fucked up anything, and in doing so noticed that my 2018 planning system post is still on the front page. Embarrassing. Every year I say “Oh, I’m going to post more” and every year I seem to post less.
So… was this year a failure?
Well, I didn’t get all my goals ticked-off, but I did complete all the important ones. I finished my Honours year with flying colours. I didn’t get anything published, but I did make the number of submissions I wanted. I’m feeling good about my work, and about my academic “career”. Maybe I can use that term, now; I have a teaching assistant role lined up for next year and I’m starting to wonder what 2020 might bring. Should I go for a PhD? It’s four years and a lot of stress for a piece of paper that I’m not sure what I’ll do with. So I don’t know. We’ll see.
As for this blog, I’ll keep posting. If, one day, I manage to develop a regular schedule, that’s all to the good. Can we see it happening? Oh, I don’t know. I’ve been developing better work habits lately. I just seem to really suck at blog planning in particular. Most of my writing work has been on my long-term AO3 project, the abortive Angels, and poetry. The poetry is what I’m most happy with; I’m working with new methods which are trickier but I think the finished works evoke something stronger. It’s quiet and solitary stuff, though I’ve been posting the occasional small snippet on Instagram or Twitter. These have mostly been going to magazines. I want to get something published next year, and it feels possible.
That’s the state of things. Looking forward, thinking maybe 2019 is when the world turns a corner, when the struggle of the last few years, for everyone, starts getting a bit easier.
This year my word of the year was “Climb”. I hadn’t done a word of the year before but it’s my sort of thing, and I wanted a word that summed up how I was feeling. I wanted to be tough, I wanted to succeed. And I did. New year, new word, and no idea yet what it might be. It might even be “Write”.